What we get wrong about forgiveness – a counseling professor unpacks the difference between letting go and making up

Rising political conflict has strained families and friendships, with many Americans reporting estrangement and lasting emotional harm. Drawing on research and counseling experience, the author argues that forgiveness is often misunderstood as requiring reconciliation, when in fact it can be an internal process of releasing ill will to promote healing. By distinguishing forgiveness from reconciliation, the piece offers a more realistic and compassionate framework for navigating conflict, trauma, and relational boundaries.

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This article was published in The Conversation on January 26, 2026, and written by Richard Balkin.